Intimate Conversations

The original Intimate Conversations Blog Post was published on Faith Journey Abundant LIFE Ministries Inc website 2019.

In 2018, I sat in a conference room surrounded by Community Health Workers. The topic was prostate cancer, but the most striking thing was the empty chairs and the lack of men. As our discussion shifted from a standard lecture to an open dialogue about prescreening, we came to a universal truth: women hold immense influence over the health of the men they love, but starting those conversations can be extremely challenging.

It has been eighteen years since my husband, Ron, and I began our journey with prostate cancer. I say our journey because this diagnosis was never his to carry alone. Even now, every September during Prostate Health Awareness Month, I find myself looking back on how far we've come.   

I still remember the day he returned from the doctor and told me the left lobe of his prostate was 80 percent cancerous. A shockwave hit my body, unnerving my normally calm demeanor. Immediately, I wished I had taken the day off to be by his side. Questions flowed, and he didn't have the answers. That afternoon marked the first of many challenging, intimate conversations that would define our marriage.

In the beginning, I managed my fears by hiding them from him and from my family. Inside, I was filled with uncertainty about our future—and yes, even his possible death. Would cancer devastate his body and leave him bedridden? Having a background in long-term healthcare, I knew how to manage caregiving, but I didn't want that to be our reality.

We talked, both of us careful to avoid the word death. Ron threw himself into research, educating me on everything he learned. I leaned in, absorbing the information while trying not to let panic overtake me.

Ron was referred to a highly recommended Christian surgeon, known for his successful robotic surgery. For years, Ron was cancer-free. But the journey wasn't over. A few years later, his yearly PSA tests began showing a slight increase, leading to three months of radiation. If I wasn't paying attention, subtle side effects like extreme fatigue and sleepiness could easily mask as slothfulness.

By the grace of God, Ron weathered that storm, too. His PSA level has been undetectable for several years now.

Next week, in Part 2, I’m sharing the four crucial lessons Ron and I learned about intimacy, sexual health, advocacy, and healing through a decade of tough conversations.